FUNDAMENTALIST, n. One in whom something is fundamentally wrong–most commonly lack of reasoning ability and vicious intolerance toward those not sharing the fundamentalist’s delusions. Thus, fundamentalists are especially intolerant of those able to draw obvious conclusions from observed facts, those who refuse to seek shelter in comforting falsehoods, and those who wish to lead their own lives. Members of the fundamentalist subspecies known as “Slack-Jawed Drooling Idiots” have been known to give so much of their income to “electronic churches” that they subsist on Alpo at the end of the month. In herds, fundamentalists are about as useful to society as wandering bands of baboons brandishing machetes.

The following statements by the Reverend Pat Robertson–prominent televangelist, Christian Coalition honcho, former Republican presidential candidate, blood diamond profiteer, and close “personal friend” of both corrupt, murderous former Congolese dictator Mobutu Sese Seko and corrupt, murderous former Liberian president and convicted war criminal Charles Taylor–are perhaps the most revealing illustration of the fundamentalist mentality that this lexicographer has ever seen:

People have immortal spirits with incredible power over elemental things. They way to deal with inanimate matter is to talk to it.


If you wanted to get America destroyed, if you were a malevolent, evil force and you said, “How can I turn God against America? What can I do to get God mad at the people of America to cause this great land to vomit out the people?” Well, I’d pick five things. I’d begin to have incest. I’d begin to commit adultery wherever possible, all over the country, and sexuality. I’d begin to have them offering up and killing their babies. I’d get them having homosexual relations, and then I’d have them having sex with animals.

And, yes folks, these are actual, direct quotations.

* * *

–from the revised and expanded edition of The American Heretic’s Dictionary, the best modern successor to Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary

American Heretic's Dictionary revised and expanded by Chaz Bufe, front cover


  1. cpmondello says:

    Conservative Christianity is Always The Problem In The USA

    It seems to me that when “conservative” ideology is mixed with any religion, a problem has been created.

    Simply, a Theocracy.

    In the USA Christianity is the most practiced religion. More people will say they are “Christian” even when not broken into sects like Catholicism or Protestant. Since I was born in America, and have spent my whole life here, my experience and whatever historical information I have come across, has formed my opinions on what effect Conservative Christianity* has had on this county alone.

    * (Conservative Christian, Conservative Christians or Conservative Christianity will be referred to simply as “CC” for the rest of the reading)

    Because historical sources do not always agree one hundred percent of the time, I keep to the “facts” most easily verifiable.

    CC believe everyone is out to get them, a fear-based reality that creates a “us against them” ideology. This has a negative effect on any group that does not follow their ideology, and there is no room for compromise, especially if it is a minority who is the “them”.

    For instance, whenever a minority gets rights that come too close to being equal with their rights, they need to attack. This is what makes-up the history of CC.

    Let’s take a look at a the last 400+ yrs. Short, simple, and to the point. I will describe the behavior of the Conservative Christian movement with the limited knowledge of a lay person and personable experience of a citizen.

    Lets begin:

    Christopher Columbus, Christian, cut the hands off of Natives if they didnt bring him enough gold, bragged about how easy it was to make them into slaves and offered up groups of Natives to be gang raped.

    Puritans, Christian, fled their homeland so they could practice their religion their way, this is understandable, however, Quakers were bared from having government jobs, forced to fund the Puritan’s churches even though they didn’t attend, some were even driven out of the colony, some were even lynched.

    In fact, many of the first 13 states were created by those who fled or were driven out of the Massachusetts Bay Colony because of the theocracy the Puritans were pushing.

    Even Benjamin Franklin, from what I understand left Massachusetts, one reason being the religious intolerance.

    Joseph Smith, the creator of Mormonism, was killed, from what I understand, a group raided the jail he was locked up in, and, like the mob run witch trials, they mob murdered him.

    When blacks wanted equal rights both during the “Civil Right” movement with MLK and years prior when slaves wanted freedom, the bible was used to support the argument that even God believed blacks were inferior and should not “mix” with white people.

    The same thing happened when woman, immigrants, the disabled, Veterans, the elderly and even when people fought for children having rights.

    This has never stopped, not even today in the year 2013. Those still using the bible to fight against LGBT people getting some equal rights, are people who follow the same ideology the first settlers on the North American continent did.

    This movement has been front in center making themselves out to be the victims, as usual, when any minority they were once allowed to abuse, kill, and oppress are treated more equal than they once were.

    You can even take the words of Hitler, and replace the word “Jew” with the name of whatever group is being oppressed at whatever time in US history, and it will sound just like a conservative Christian had written it.

    I know bringing up Hitler makes many lose all respect and interest in any point trying to be addressed, but in this case, I like to use him, he being the most extreme figure in history that my generation, and many of us in America are familiar with.

    Unfortunately, even today, CC on school boards and historical societies, even in Congress, are trying to “white wash” history by rewriting history. For instance, removing Thomas Jefferson out of school books, so the whole “separation of church and state” debate would no longer be. There have been attempts to rename “slavery” into some economic-commerce movement, and so on.

    There are even groups of CC’s, non-profit organizations from the USA, that have traveled all over the world: Russia, Uganda, etc. to speak with those in governments about the “evils” of homosexuality, actually using the rise of the acceptance of LGBT people in the USA, as a negative example of what happens when CC is not allowed to be the rule of law, a Theocracy more accurate.

    These are the same people that demand the presence of our elected officials, have the power to, create laws, ban books and movies, move tax payer’s money into private religious schools, and institutions, and fight anyone who wants equal rights and protections under the law. These are simply modern day Puritans who have found a way to create a society where they, and only they, have the real power, all the while, fooling many people into believing they are victims of persecution and always have been.

    Many people from around the globe see America more accurately than many Americans, because we are taught, not so much about the past, but how other countries treat their civilians and told to compare it to the way we are treated in this country.

    For example, we no longer believe lynching someone for a crime is acceptable, however, we allow the death penalty. To many in America there is a difference. Many people in other countries still see this as murder. Many also know that this country wad built on Genocide, we in America celebrate Columbus Day and Thanksgiving instead.

    In conclusion, it is my honest belief and opinion, that Conservative Christians are, and their movement is, has always been, and will always be, a danger to our civil society, and our world.

    To get a better understanding, here are some helpful websites and organizations, most will look familiar because they have been demonized by the loudest voices; FOX, Tea Party, Pat Robertson, you know the type I am referring too:

    Americans United

    Freedom From Religion Foundation

    Military Religious Freedom Foundation

    There are many more Secular, Humanist, and Interfaith organizations that will also have a pleather of information.


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