Definitions of the Day 11/19/14 — in honor of the Ferguson police department

Posted: November 18, 2014 in Civil Liberties, Livin' in the USA, Politics
Tags: , , , ,

Assaulting an Officer

ASSAULTING AN OFFICER, phr. A legal charge resulting from a vicious attack on six uninjured beefy cops by an unarmed, 150-pound assailant suffering bruises, abrasions, broken bones, and internal injuries. While such assaults are common, it remains a mystery as to why, invariably, the only witnesses to such attacks are the assaulted police officers.

COP, n. A potential homicidal maniac who won’t be held accountable for his actions. Hence widely admired.

PERJURY, n. A common leisure-time activity of policemen.

RESISTING ARREST, phr. A legal charge leveled against citizens subjected to “reasonable force” by policemen when the only witnesses to the act are other policemen. Synonym: “Assaulting an Officer.”

TO PROTECT AND SERVE, phr. A common but incomplete phrase.  The fuller, more precise version ends with the word “themselves.”

* * *

–from the revised and expanded edition of The American Heretic’s Dictionary, the best modern successor to Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary

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