ASSAULTING AN OFFICER, phr. A legal charge resulting from a vicious attack on six uninjured beefy cops by an unarmed, 150-pound assailant suffering bruises, abrasions, broken bones, and internal injuries. While such assaults are common, it remains a mystery as to why, invariably, the only witnesses to such attacks are the assaulted police officers.
COP, n. A potential homicidal maniac who won’t be held accountable for his actions. Hence widely admired.
PERJURY, n. A common leisure-time activity of policemen.
RESISTING ARREST, phr. A legal charge leveled against citizens subjected to “reasonable force” by policemen when the only witnesses to the act are other policemen. Synonym: “Assaulting an Officer.”
TO PROTECT AND SERVE, phr. A common but incomplete phrase. The fuller, more precise version ends with the word “themselves.”
* * *
–from the revised and expanded edition of The American Heretic’s Dictionary, the best modern successor to Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary
