Give God a Hand

Hey folks! The omnipotent, omniscient, omnipresent creator of the universe needs your help. It turns out the big guy isn’t too good at the foresight thing, and his plan for humanity is in trouble. That’s where you come in. The all-powerful being just can’t seem to git’r done, and needs you to enforce his moral dictates.

While he seems to be losing it in some ways, at least he still has his priorities straight: He’s all riled up about the abominations of gay marriage and abortion, but not about trivialities such as torture, racism, and starvation. You, of course, should follow his lead here–and, praise Jesus, you do.

So, you humble “chosen,” “elect,” “saved,” you “God’s people,”  get off your butts and give him the help he needs! He can’t do it by himself, and your salvation might, just might, depend on it.

* * *

(A few parting words from St. Fred of Deutschland for the  folks who think god needs their help: “Salvation of the soul–in plain words, the world revolves around me.”)