Definition of the Day 1-23-16 — Sex

Posted: January 23, 2016 in Humor, Sex

SEX, n. According to a number of American women, a sequence of events which normally runs as follows: 1) Foreplay consisting of the question, “Are you awake?”; 2) Thirty to ninety seconds of grunting, pawing, fumbling, and other forms of ineptitude; 3) “That was great!”; 4) Snoring by one party; 5) Masturbation by the other.

* * *

–from the revised and expanded edition of The American Heretic’s Dictionary, the best modern successor to Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary

American Heretic's Dictionary revised and expanded by Chaz Bufe, front cover

(with apologies to the anonymous, presumably female, Internet commenter who defined “foreplay” ages ago)

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