Tucson Christmas Story

Posted: December 12, 2016 in Humor, Livin' in the USA
Tags: , , ,

(Names and most other identifying details have been omitted from the following amusing if appalling story in order to protect the guilty.)

I was sitting around a few days ago talking with a friend. His wife is a really good cook, but she’s been on a health kick the last couple of years, as have her three sisters.

It’s the time of year to make Christmas tamales, and he told me that since his wife and her sisters have gotten into “healthy eating,” the tamales have been “horrible.”

This year he decided to take preemptive action. As they were preparing to make the tamales, he walked in with four 5-pound blocks of Snowcap lard and said, “Here. Use this. All of it.”

(Lard is the key ingredient in Mexican food, at least in good Mexican food.)

At that point, his wife said, “We’re trying to eat healthy. We don’t want to get fat.”

His reply: “You’re Mexican. You’re gonna get fat anyway.” (This isn’t quite as bad as it sounds, as it’s also self-referential: he’s 5’10” and weighs a good 270.)

He escaped with his life, and he and the rest of his family will be chowing down on delicious, lard-drenched tamales well into the new year. He might weigh 280 by the time the tamales run out, but it’ll be a happy 280.




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