Early April Fool’s — Trump’s New Legal Team

Posted: March 28, 2018 in Humor, Livin' in the USA, Politics
Tags: , , , , , , ,

(API) — The White House announced today that, following his prolonged search for legal representation, President Trump has retained as chief legal counsel veteran litigator Saul Goodman. Trump, after tweeting, “I hire nothing but the BEST people,” praised Goodman as “very incredible, very fantastic, a bigly talent and an amazing patriot. NO COLLUSION! JOBS!”

Republican commentators were quick to heap praise upon Trump, with Sean Hannity saying that this “bold choice” showed what “a different kind of president” Trump is, and that it exemplified his “out of the box thinking” — remarks almost identical to those Hannity made after Trump strangled a Miniature Schnauzer on Christmas Eve and sodomized it’s corpse on live national television.

Several Fox News pundits were equally effusive about Trump’s other new “out of the box” appointees: Gustavo Fring as DEA administrator;  Walter White as Science Adviser; Jesse Pinkman as National Institute of Health administrator; Skyler White as Treasury Secretary; Tuco Salamanca as Press Secretary; and an individual known only as “Todd” as Secretary of State.

Laura Ingraham enthused about Walter White’s appointment as Science Adviser, noting White’s extensive “hands on scientific expertise”; Neil Cavuto praised new DEA czar Fring’s  “executive experience,” and noted that Fring would conduct America’s drug policy “like a business”; and Tucker Carlson extolled Salamanca’s appointment as Press Secretary, saying that he “really knows how to deliver a message.”

The day’s only sour note was the refusal of security expert Michael Ehrmantraut to accept appointment as Homeland Security chief. While pointedly refusing to cite Trump by name, Ehrmantraut stated that while he had the “highest respect” for some of the new appointees, citing Fring’s “coolness” and “professionalism,” he refused to endanger the nation by taking orders from a “moron.” Following Erhmantraut’s refusal, Trump tweeted that “Mummified Mike” was “a LIAR! LIAR,” “really, really bad at his job,” and that he had “never offered it to him in the first place. NO COLLUSION! JOBS!”

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