Definition of the Day 4-18-18 (Ten Commandments)

TEN COMMANDMENTS, n. pl. The fundamental moral precepts of the Christian and Jewish faiths, and a fine set of guiding lights for us all. Some low-minded skeptics have suggested that God could have improved upon these inspired moral principles if It had dropped the commandments concerning swearing, idol worship, sexual exclusivity, and resting on the sabbath, and had instead instituted bans on slavery, torture, and cruelty, but these suggestions are obviously sacrilegious. If slavery, torture, and cruelty were true moral evils, organized Christianity would not have condoned, instigated, and practiced all three for the better part of two millennia. Fortunately, most Christians recognize this and do not bother themselves about such trifles. Instead, they rightly concentrate their moral outrage on the true evils of “obscene” books and pictures, “filthy” language, and the sexual practices of their neighbors.

* * *

— from The American Heretic’s Dictionary (revised & expanded), the 21st-century successor to Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary. (The link goes to 50 sample definitions and illustrations.)