“For the right amount of money, you’re willing to eat Alpo.”
–Reggie Jackson, quoted in The Sporting News, February 1, 1988
* * *
(from The Heretic’s Handbook of Quotations)
It’s time once again to speak four of the most beautiful words in the English language: “Pitchers and Catchers Report.” (The two most beautiful words, are of course, “Play ball!”)
In honor of the start of Spring Training, our pal Leo passed along a link to SimplyHaiku which features a number of baseball haikus, some of them quite funny. Our two favorites are both by Ed Markowski, of Auburn Hills, Michigan. (Surprisingly, there seem to be a number of Ed Markowskis out there.)
We hope that you enjoy these haikus as much as we did:
up from Pawtucket
his error in slow-mo
on the centerfield scoreboard
shaken off a second time
the catcher flashes his
Strictly speaking, these aren’t haikus, which consist of three lines of, respectively, five, seven, and five syllables. But we like these anyway.
No!! No!!! No!!!! This is just wrong!!!
We just heard that our favorite SF Giants player, Sergio Romo, the kid from Brawley (dirt poor farm workers in the Imperial Valley), a recovering Dodgers fan, who wore in the 2014 World Series parade a T-shirt reading “I just look illegal,” just signed with the — gack!! — Dodgers.
This is just wrong!!!
But at least Romo is going to the hero-franchise that signed Jackie Robinson, and not the D’Backs.
It would be much more appropriate for the D’Back scumbag owners to sign neo-Nazis. (For all intents and purposes, they have — they gave $100K to the theo-Nazis who bought the narrow outcome of the anti-pot legalization initiative in Arizona in 2016.)
So, good luck to Romo. We understand why he did it. ¡Buena suerte Sergio!
And screw the D´backs.
When I saw that headline on my favorite baseball blog, McCovey Chronicles, my first thought was, “Pardoned him for what? Being one of the greatest baseball players of his generation?”
As Grant Brisbee notes in his McCovey Chronicles piece, “While paying taxes is probably a good idea, it is the official stance of this site that McCovey is above the law and always will be, so this is a piece of good news.”
That makes both a welcome pardon and a welcome sentence commutation (that of hero whistle blower Chelsea Manning) in one day. For once, along with Brisbee, I can say and mean it, “Thanks Obama.”
(Note regarding the photo: Barack Obama congratulating the Giants on one of their three World Series victories during his terms of office. Obama is the 44th president of the U.S., and Willie McCovey’s number was 44.)
It’s been quite a while since we did one of these posts, so here ’tis — the best of the Internet: the sick, the perverse, and the marginally useful. (We’ll cover the sickest, most perverse, and utterly useless very shortly in yet another Religion Roundup.) Anyway, here goes:
Watch for the upcoming Religion Roundup. We’ve found some really choice items.
Following the agony of the latest SF Giants defeat (another blown save) — the Giants had the best record in either league the first half of this season; for no apparent reason, they have the worst record in either league the second of this season — I’ve given up baseball for the year.
So, it seems like an appropriate time to share my favorite baseball anecdote. It involves an incident I saw on a Giants broadcast a few years ago.
One of the Giants’ players, with a full count (3 balls and 2 strikes, for you nonbaseball fans), fouled a fastball. The foul hit the back of the plate and ricocheted up, nailing the opposing catcher directly in the ‘nads. He went rigid, toppled over, and lay there unmoving, in agony.
There was dead silence for maybe 15 seconds.
Then the Giants’ play-by-play man, Duane Kuiper, who in hindsight had obviously been thinking it over, slowly and deliberately said, “One strike, two balls.”