Archive for the ‘Baseball’ Category


“Last night I failed to mention something that bears repeating.”

–Mariners announcer Ron Fairly quoted on Rotisserie Duck

 

(Fairly was also, unfortunately for listeners, a broadcaster for the Giants for several seasons. I’d bet the farm that the above statement was not intentionally funny.)


(This appeared in Klopfer’s recap on McCovey Chronicles of last night’s Giants-Dodgers game.)

“. . . finally, baseball’s finest full sentence namesake, Pierce Johnson, returned to the team, and pitched two stellar innings. He’ll be gone tomorrow when Brandon Belt is activated, but . . . come on. I’m not gonna go a whole recap without mentioning the dude who’s name is literally a genital body modification.”


To mark his first year in office without causing a nuclear war, this week we’re reposting last year’s best posts on Donald Trump. Here’s the one from August 4, 2017:


 

“I usually stay away from politics on here for obvious reasons. They’re too divisive, and this is supposed to be a place about sports [San Francisco Giants], a safe haven. But I think the one thing we can all agree on is that Donald Trump is a dangerously ignorant man-child, the wriggling embodiment of the seven deadly sins, each of them competing against the other for supremacy at all times.”

— Grant Brisbee, “Donald Trump wanted to buy the San Francisco Giants” (on our favorite baseball blog, McCovey Chronicles). We’d highly advise reading the entire piece, as it’s outright hilarious.


Grant Brisbee

“It seems funny to you that [Giancarlo] Stanton might want to come to the Giants. This is because you actually spent time — time you will never, ever, ever get back — watching this horrible team as it spun around the toilet and mercifully went down, never to resurface.”


(Note for nonbaseball fans: two-and-a-half weeks ago the Los Angeles Dodgers were an astounding 91-36, and on track to win the most games ever by a major league team;  they’re now 92-51. In contrast, the San Francisco Giants are, after two cringe-inducing defeats in Chicago over the weekend, back on track to lose 100 games.)

* * *

“The Dodgers are in freefall off the highest of perches, having lost 15 of their last 16 games.

“They’ll face an archrival [Giants] that just lost 8-1 to the Chicago White Sox on Sunday, got outscored 21-2 over the final two games on the South Side and dropped yet another non-competitive road series to the team with the worst record in the American League.

“We’re about to find out which emotion is stronger: panic or despair.”

–Andrew Baggarly in the San Jose Mercury News, “Giants lose another stinker to White Sox


Pablo Sandoval

“If 31-year-old Pablo Sandoval is the [San Francisco Giants’ starting third baseman] on Opening Day 2018, I predict alcohol sales at AT&T Park will go through the roof (which actually may be one of the Giants’ new marketing plans).”

–Richard Dyer, “What the SF Giants will look like on opening day 2018” on The Giants Cove


(I’ve been saving this quote for two weeks, as the Giants inexplicably played good baseball for nearly a full week immediately after this appeared; but their play has reassuringly returned to normal — that is, excruciating — for the last week, so here you go.)

* * *

“The 2017 San Francisco Giants are a very poor baseball team by the standards of Major League Baseball. Were you aware of that? You were probably aware of that. Still, it needs to be said in every article about them until the season ends, because this is how you will repent for your many sins. Feel glad that you get to do it this way instead of changing your truly repugnant behavior. . . .

“. . . and hey, just for kicks, let’s go to Fangraphs and check out the worst ERAs in the majors among qualified starters. Well, whaddya know? The Giants are leading the league in something! . . .

“. . . We come not to sarcastically praise the Giants, but to bury them. Let’s examine this important question: Will this year’s Giants ever win another game?”

(A poll immediately followed, to which 61% of responding Giants fans answered, “Why no, I don’t think they will.”)

* * *

–Doug Bruzzone, “Will the 2017 Giants ever win another game?” (from our favorite baseball blog, McCovey Chronicles)