Archive for the ‘Baseball’ Category


“The [San Francisco] Giants will get better. There will be a two-week stretch that boosts their overall numbers, and they’ll seem normal again. Do not fall for it. All that stretch will do is hose their draft position. They will not be a better team. They will not be closer to a future postseason. They’ll only be ruining their chances to get the next Bryce Harper or Stephen Strasburg or Delmon Young. But it’s going to happen, and I’ll forget about this paragraph and these feelings, and I’ll pretend that it’s good news.”

–Grant Brisbee, “Giants Lose, Royals Win

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The above nearly paragraph-length quotation nicely illustrates why Grant Brisbee is the funniest baseball writer in the biz. He’s also pretty damn insightful, which is almost, but not quite, as important for baseball writers as being funny.

Let’s face it: we’re dealing with baseball, life’s toy department for supposed grown-ups. And in maintaining proper perspective on that national refuge from horrifying reality, humor rules.


Former Chicago Cubs manager Lee Elia

Today is the 34th anniversary of the day, April 29, 1983, that then-Chicago Cubs manager Lee Elia brought joy to the hearts of millions. On that day, Elia delivered, hands down, the greatest baseball rant ever recorded.

It never grows old. Here ’tis. Enjoy!

Lee Elia Rant

But why, you ask, does Lee Elia deserve his own national holiday?

There are two reasons: 1) He’s still alive, and would likely enjoy his well deserved acclaim; 2)  If Christopher Columbus, who brought death and misery to millions, deserves his own national holiday, isn’t Elia, who brought smiles and laughter to millions, more deserving?

Isn’t it time we started honoring those who made life just a little bit better rather than those who made it immeasurably worse?


“You hammer homers. We hammer beers.”

–anonymous SF Giants fans at the game tonight

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(This is on what would have been my dad’s 104th birthday. He would have approved.)


Reggie Jackson

“For the right amount of money, you’re willing to eat Alpo.”

–Reggie Jackson, quoted in The Sporting News, February 1, 1988

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(from The Heretic’s Handbook of Quotations)

Front cover of "The Heretic's Handbook of Quotations


It’s time once again to speak four of the most beautiful words in the English language: “Pitchers and Catchers Report.” (The two most beautiful words, are of course, “Play ball!”)

In honor of the start of Spring Training, our pal Leo passed along a link to SimplyHaiku which features a number of baseball haikus, some of them quite funny. Our two favorites are both by Ed Markowski, of Auburn Hills, Michigan. (Surprisingly, there seem to be a number of Ed Markowskis out there.)

We hope that you enjoy these haikus as much as we did:

up from Pawtucket
his error in slow-mo
on the centerfield scoreboard

and

shaken off a second time
the catcher flashes his
middle finger

Strictly speaking, these aren’t haikus, which consist of three lines of, respectively, five, seven, and five syllables. But we like these anyway.

 


No!! No!!! No!!!! This is just wrong!!!

romo

We just heard that our favorite SF Giants player, Sergio Romo, the kid from Brawley (dirt poor farm workers in the Imperial Valley), a recovering Dodgers fan, who wore in the 2014 World Series parade a T-shirt reading “I just look illegal,” just signed with the — gack!! — Dodgers.

This is just wrong!!!

But at least Romo is going to the hero-franchise that signed Jackie Robinson, and not the D’Backs.

It would be much more appropriate for the D’Back scumbag owners to sign neo-Nazis. (For all intents and purposes, they have — they gave $100K to the theo-Nazis who bought the narrow outcome of the anti-pot legalization initiative in Arizona in 2016.)

So, good luck to Romo. We understand why he did it. ¡Buena suerte Sergio!

And screw the D´backs.


When I saw that headline on my favorite baseball blog, McCovey Chronicles, my first thought was, “Pardoned him for what? Being one of the greatest baseball players of his generation?”

It wasn’t until I read the article that I remembered that, yes, “Stretch” had plead guilty to tax evasion in 1995.
mccovey

As Grant Brisbee notes in his McCovey Chronicles piece, “While paying taxes is probably a good idea, it is the official stance of this site that McCovey is above the law and always will be, so this is a piece of good news.”

That makes both a welcome pardon and a welcome sentence commutation (that of hero whistle blower Chelsea Manning) in one day. For once, along with Brisbee, I can say and mean it, “Thanks Obama.”

(Note regarding the photo: Barack Obama congratulating the Giants on one of their three World Series victories during his terms of office. Obama is the 44th president of the U.S., and Willie McCovey’s number was 44.)