Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category


“The only reason for time is so that everything doesn’t happen at once.”

–Albert Einstein (attributed–I have major doubts about this one, but it’s funny enough to post anyway)


It’s time once again to speak four of the most beautiful words in the English language: “Pitchers and Catchers Report.” (The two most beautiful words, are of course, “Play ball!”)

In honor of the start of Spring Training, our pal Leo passed along a link to SimplyHaiku which features a number of baseball haikus, some of them quite funny. Our two favorites are both by Ed Markowski, of Auburn Hills, Michigan. (Surprisingly, there seem to be a number of Ed Markowskis out there.)

We hope that you enjoy these haikus as much as we did:

up from Pawtucket
his error in slow-mo
on the centerfield scoreboard

and

shaken off a second time
the catcher flashes his
middle finger

Strictly speaking, these aren’t haikus, which consist of three lines of, respectively, five, seven, and five syllables. But we like these anyway.

 

Drummer Humor

Posted: February 12, 2017 in Humor, Music
Tags:

Since I moved to Tucson 25 years ago, I’ve played (“playing” meaning at least one paying gig) with 4 vocalists, 3 bassists, and roughly 20 drummers — I lost exact count ages ago, and I’m not even counting the ones that spontaneously self-combusted.

So, I appreciated the following ad that just appeared in the Musicians section of Tucson’s Craigslist, and have a hunch you might, too. Enjoy!


Qualified, Easygoing Drummer at Your Service

Decades of experience and a professional demeanor, I am the drummer you’ve been looking for.

I do not have a car and I do not have my own drums. I love to drink and I like to hit people in the mouth when I’ve had a few. I’ve hurt people before and I’ll do it again.

I will not learn your original material unless I’m paid $75 per hour per gig and I must be paid in advance. I do not know many covers and cannot commit to learning new ones unless I really dig the song.

My influences include Staind, P.O.D., the theme song to Malcolm in the Middle, and old Black Eyed Peas.

Additionally, I will need to crash with you for a while, as I do not have any source of income outside of my musical endeavors.

I cannot stress enough how much your band needs me at the rhythmic helm of the rock and roll ship. Call now.

Also, I do have a small narcotics habit.


About the only thing the anonymous genius who produced this forgot to add was, “Great rhythmic control. I can either rush or drag — I’m in control!”

 

 


“Resistance is not futile. It’s voltage divided by current.”


scottsdale

(For those fortunate enough to never have set foot in the place, Scottsdale is one of the most loathsome suburbs of Phoenix: rich, nearly all white, right-wing, snootier than hell, and spreading like a cancer on what used to be a beautiful part of the Sonoran Desert. Thanks to fellow refugee from Phoenix, Al Perry, for passing on this completely-nails-it graphic from his co-conspirator, Hashimoto Nukeclear.)


The liberal, oh-so-hip city of Santa Cruz, California has for the last several years been waging war on the city’s homeless population. A year and a half ago the city council closed down the town’s only homeless shelter, and lately the city government has ordered the cops to enforce a law that bans sleeping outdoors between 11 pm and 8:30 am.

To call attention to this inhumane approach to the homelessness problem, an unknown person — and we ain’t sayin’ who — produced the following leaflet, designed to look like a public announcement from the City of Santa Cruz, that invites citizens to a council meeting where the council members will discuss giving citizens free methamphetamine to help them comply with the no-sleeping ordinance. Here’s the flyer:

Free Meth flyer from Santa Cruz

The best part is that a lot of people are dumb enough to buy it. Some are outraged, while others really want to know where they can get their free meth.

The kicker? The head of the right-wing Santa Cruz “citizens” anti-homeless group was just indicted for — you guessed it! — manufacture of methamphetamine.

Joke of the Day 1-27-17

Posted: January 26, 2017 in Humor, Jokes, Language Use

“Don’t you just hate rhetorical questions?”

–no idea where this came from, so let’s credit it to Anonymous