Archive for the ‘Humor’ Category


graphic by J.R. Swanson

“A rising tide lifts all yachts.”

–Anonymous (wrongly attributed to JFK)

Still another musician joke

Posted: November 25, 2018 in Humor, Jokes, Music

Two musicians on a way to a gig got in a head-on crash and died horrible deaths, mangled.

They’re standing in front of St. Peter, who says, “You’re good to go. Come on in.”

One of them stops and asks, “What about hell? Is it much worse than this? This sounds boring.”

St. Peter pauses and says, “You don’t want to know. It’s horrendous, horrible. Eternal pain, torture, screaming, Loose bowels, roasting flesh. Forever.”

The musicians look at one other, and the first one asks, “Do you know who books it?”

–and, yes, for once, I know who wrote this joke: Mick Berry

 

Joke of the Day 11-23-18

Posted: November 23, 2018 in Humor, Jokes


THANKSGIVING, n. 1) A day on which thanks are given that one’s bloated, python-digesting-a-deer feeling will soon pass, and that the day will not recur for another year; 2) A five-course family feast consisting of tension, boredom, anger, recrimination, and guilt, held under the pretense of picking over the carcass of a murdered bird.

* * *

— from The American Heretic’s Dictionary (revised & expanded), the 21st-century successor to Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary. (The link goes to 50 sample definitions and illustrations.)

American Heretic's Dictionary revised and expanded by Chaz Bufe, front cover


"Hell" graphic by J.R. Swanson from "The Devil's Dictionaries"

HELL, n. A place of everlasting torment, much like the United States during an election year.

* * *

— from The American Heretic’s Dictionary (revised & expanded), the 21st-century successor to Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary. (The link goes to 50 sample definitions and illustrations.)


“There are apparently [Scientology] missions or orgs in most of the smaller cities throughout the country [Hungary] like Debrecen, Szeged, Miskolc, Pécs, Győr, Nyiregyhaza and Kecskemét (warning: Western Europeans and Americans should not attempt to pronounce any of these names without extensive training or without access to emergency medical care).”

–John Q. Capitalist, “Scientology has to open its books again, and we dig into the numbers” on The Underground Bunker


graphic by J.R. Swanson

FREE ENTERPRISE, n. A system in which a few are born owning billions, most are born owning nothing, and all compete to accumulate wealth and power. If those born with billions succeed, it is due to their personal merits. If those born owning nothing fail, it is due to their personal defects.

* * *

— from The American Heretic’s Dictionary (revised & expanded), the 21st-century successor to Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary. (The link goes to 50 sample definitions and illustrations.)

American Heretic's Dictionary revised and expanded by Chaz Bufe, front cover