Archive for the ‘Jokes’ Category

Joke of the Day 6-11-19

Posted: June 11, 2019 in Humor, Jokes, Skepticism

–from Seattle Propane’s Wallingford Sign


It’s always a wonderful thing to be proven wrong. You learn something when that happens.

For years, decades, I assumed Ellen DeGeneres was horrendous, to be judged by her awful TV show, cloying, idiotic, and pandering to the lowest common denominator. But my buddy Mick Berry, a brilliant writer, musician, and comedian, kept insisting that I was wrong, that DeGeneres was a great comedian.

I didn’t buy it.

Then the DJ on local community radio, KXCI, a couple of days ago played an old comedy clip by DeGeneres. It was wonderful. The jokes were crisp, inventive, and her timing impeccable. Here’s the best one:

“People are stupid. A traffic cop stopped me yesterday and asked me, ‘Do you know why I stopped you?’ . . . . . . . ‘Because of the dead bodies in the trunk?'”

Still another musician joke

Posted: November 25, 2018 in Humor, Jokes, Music

Two musicians on a way to a gig got in a head-on crash and died horrible deaths, mangled.

They’re standing in front of St. Peter, who says, “You’re good to go. Come on in.”

One of them stops and asks, “What about hell? Is it much worse than this? This sounds boring.”

St. Peter pauses and says, “You don’t want to know. It’s horrendous, horrible. Eternal pain, torture, screaming, Loose bowels, roasting flesh. Forever.”

The musicians look at one other, and the first one asks, “Do you know who books it?”

–and, yes, for once, I know who wrote this joke: Mick Berry

 

Joke of the Day 11-23-18

Posted: November 23, 2018 in Humor, Jokes


Mickey Joseph

Two guys are talking, and one of them says to the other:

“My job is driving me nuts. All day long it’s nothing but piss and moan, piss and moan, piss and moan. I really hate working at the VD clinic.”

(thanks to Mick Berry for passing this one along)

(Mickey Joseph is performing tonight, July 22 at 8:30 pm at Angelica’s in Redwood City. )


We found this in the publishing industry newsletter Shelf Awareness.


(This appeared in Klopfer’s recap on McCovey Chronicles of last night’s Giants-Dodgers game.)

“. . . finally, baseball’s finest full sentence namesake, Pierce Johnson, returned to the team, and pitched two stellar innings. He’ll be gone tomorrow when Brandon Belt is activated, but . . . come on. I’m not gonna go a whole recap without mentioning the dude who’s name is literally a genital body modification.”