Posts Tagged ‘Ambrose Bierce’


TEN COMMANDMENTS, n. pl. The fundamental moral precepts of the Christian and Jewish faiths, and a fine set of guiding lights for us all. Some low-minded skeptics have suggested that God could have improved upon these inspired moral principles if It had dropped the commandments concerning swearing, idol worship, sexual exclusivity, and resting on the sabbath, and had instead instituted bans on slavery, torture, and cruelty, but these suggestions are obviously sacrilegious. If slavery, torture, and cruelty were true moral evils, organized Christianity would not have condoned, instigated, and practiced all three for the better part of two millennia. Fortunately, most Christians recognize this and do not bother themselves about such trifles. Instead, they rightly concentrate their moral outrage on the true evils of “obscene” books and pictures, “filthy” language, and the sexual practices of their neighbors.

* * *

— from The American Heretic’s Dictionary (revised & expanded), the 21st-century successor to Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary. (The link goes to 50 sample definitions and illustrations.)

American Heretic's Dictionary revised and expanded by Chaz Bufe, front cover


Illustration from American Heretic's Dictionary

DRUG ADDICTION, n. A popular method of dealing with day-to-day living in the United States.

* * *

— from The American Heretic’s Dictionary (revised & expanded), the 21st-century successor to Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary. (The link goes to 50 sample definitions and illustrations.)

American Heretic's Dictionary revised and expanded by Chaz Bufe, front cover


COMPASSION, n. Mercy. A virtue so rare in Christian countries that when discovered by chance it is always deemed newsworthy.

* * *

— from The American Heretic’s Dictionary (revised & expanded), the 21st-century successor to Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary. (The link goes to 50 sample definitions and illustrations.)

American Heretic's Dictionary revised and expanded by Chaz Bufe, front cover

 


PIETY, n. An uncommonly strong fear of death.

* * *

— from The American Heretic’s Dictionary (revised & expanded), the 21st-century successor to Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary. (The link goes to 50 sample definitions and illustrations.)

American Heretic's Dictionary revised and expanded by Chaz Bufe, front cover


JUSTICE, n. A term of vicious mockery, as in “equal justice under the law.”

* * *

— from The American Heretic’s Dictionary (revised & expanded), the 21st-century successor to Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary. (The link goes to 50 sample definitions and illustrations.)

American Heretic's Dictionary revised and expanded by Chaz Bufe, front cover


Monogamy graphic by J.R. Swanson from "The Devil's Dictionaries"

LOVE, n. The recognition of another’s ability to increase one’s happiness; 2) A form of temporary insanity. The cure, as Nietzsche points out, often costs no more than the price of a new pair of eyeglasses; 3) The motivation of religious folk when they inflict pain upon you for your own good.

* * *

— from The American Heretic’s Dictionary (revised & expanded), the 21st-century successor to Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary. (The link goes to 50 sample definitions and illustrations.)

American Heretic's Dictionary revised and expanded by Chaz Bufe, front cover


FACT, n. For most people, an obstacle to Belief — but one they find easy to overcome.

* * *

— from The American Heretic’s Dictionary (revised & expanded), the 21st-century successor to Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary. (The link goes to 50 sample definitions and illustrations.)

American Heretic's Dictionary revised and expanded by Chaz Bufe, front cover