Posts Tagged ‘Bestiality’


(For the last few months we’ve been running the best posts from years past, posts that will be new to most of our subscribers. This one is from July 2013. We’ll be posting more blasts from the past for the next several months, and will intersperse them with new material.)

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A FEW QUESTIONS ABOUT THE BIBLE

1. Why do the Ten Commandments forbid worshipping false gods, graven images, and taking the lord’s name in vain, rather than slavery and torture?

2. Why doesn’t the Bible condemn slavery  or torture anywhere in its pages?

3. Why does the Bible command slaves to be obedient to their masters? (1 Timothy 6:1, 1 Peter 2:18, Ephesians 6:5)

4. Why does the Bible instruct slaveholders on how to treat (and mistreat) their slaves? (Exodus 21:20-21, Exodus 21:2-6)

5. Why does the Bible endorse slavery? (Leviticus 25:44-46)

6. Why does the Bible command female subservience? (Ephesians 5:22-23, Colossians 3:18, I Corinthians 11:3, I Corinthians 14:34, I Timothy 2:11-12, Genesis 3:16)

7. Why does the Bible treat women as “unclean” inferior beings? (Job 25:4, Revelation 14:4, Leviticus 12:2-5, Leviticus 15:17-24, 32-33)

8. Why are Christians fixated on the “abomination” of homosexuality, when the Bible also lists remarriage (Deuteronomy 24:4), “lying lips” (Proverbs 22:12), usury (Exodus 18:10-13), sex with an “unclean” woman (Leviticus 18:19, 27), short-weighting (Deuteronomy 25:13-16), and, of course, sacrificing a blemished ox (Deuteronomy 17:1) as abominations?

8. Why is the Bible filled with contradictions, such as “[F]or I am merciful, saith the Lord, and I will not keep anger forever” (Jeremiah 3:12) vs. “Ye have kindled a fire in mine anger, which shall burn forever” (Jeremiah 17:4)?

(See also Ezekiel 18:20 vs. Exodus 20:5; James 1:13 vs. Genesis 22:1; Matthew 6:19 vs. Proverbs 15:6; Exodus 21:23-25 vs. Matthew 5:39; Proverbs 3:13 vs. Ecclesiastes  1:18; Ecclesiastes 1:4 vs. 2 Peter 3:10; Matthew 10:34 vs. Matthew 26:52; John 5:31 vs. John 8:18; John 5:28-29 vs. Job 7:9; John 10:30 vs. John 14:28; and Genesis 32:30 vs. John 1:18 vs. Exodus 33:23).

10. If these blatant contradictions are the result of mistranslation, why should any other part of the Bible be more reliable?

11. Why does the Bible mention only plants and animals found in the region familiar to its authors?

12. Did the same god who created sunsets, hummingbirds, and butterflies also create cockroaches, scabies, Donald Trump, and Bill O’Reilly? (Helpful hint: google O’Reilly falafel.)

13. What happened to all of the water after the great flood? (If all of the ice on Earth melted, it would raise the sea level by less than a hundred meters.)

14. Why does the Bible command “Thou shalt not suffer a witch to live” (Exodus 22:18)? (See also Leviticus 20:27.)

15. Why does the Bible command the murder of EMTs, firemen, nurses, doctors, convenience store clerks, and everyone else who works on the sabbath? (Exodus 35:1-2, Exodus 31:14-15, Numbers 15:32-36)

16. Why does the Bible command the murder of rebellious children? (Deuteronomy 21:18-21, Leviticus 20:9)

17. Why does the Bible command parents to beat their children? (Proverbs 23:13-14)

18. Why does the Bible command mass murder and the taking of juvenile female sex slaves? (Numbers 31:17-18)

19. Why does the Bible command murder (burning alive) of those who have sex with their mothers-in-law? (Leviticus 20:14)

20. Why does the Bible command the killing of innocent beasts that are victims of sexual abuse? (Leviticus 20:15)

21. And while we’re on the topic, doesn’t the death penalty for bestiality seem a bit over the top? (Leviticus 20:15)

22. Why are your morals so much better than those of the god of the Bible?

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We put up our 1,000th post a week ago. We’re now looking through everything we’ve posted, and are putting up “best of” lists in our most popular categories.

This is the fifth of our first-1,000 “best of” lists. We’ve already posted the Science Fiction, MusicInterviews, and Addictions lists, and will shortly be putting up other “best ofs” in several other categories, including Anarchism, Atheism, Economics, Politics, Religion, Science, and Skepticism.

Humor is by far our most heavily populated category, with 365 posts over the last three years. We found it difficult to pick the funniest ones, but we consider these relative few among the best.

Best Humor Posts


by Earl Lee

 

English: Longhorn Statute on Front Street, Dod...Last Christmas, while we were driving to my parents’ home in Arkansas, my wife started telling me about one of her creative writing students who had written a short story about some guy having sex with a goat. You would think, being from Green Bay, that this would not faze her, and she was especially surprised by the fact that none of her students (mostly Kansas kids) had any problem with the story. They object to any story that is unfriendly toward religion, but I guess bestiality is just too common to complain about.

The odd part of this was that, as she told me this, we were on that ten-mile stretch of highway east of Cave City and not far from Strawberry, and we were going past the house where this guy who I went to school with used to live. For some reason, he told me back then how much he enjoyed having sex with cows. He would back the cow up to a stump, jump on the stump, and then “roger” the cow. He even offered to show me how!

Then he told me that he had an accident once. He dropped his pants (blue jeans) and the cow decided to raise her tail and shit all over him. He had to walk to the nearest stream, covered in shit, and wash his jeans before he could go home.

I don’t know why he decided to share this story, but I wasn’t eager to join in. I mean–he was talking about cows! I wonder what the hell he was thinking.

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Back in 1978 we moved from Fayetteville, Ark., to Green Bay.  I was looking for work and there were numerous ads in the newspaper for young men to work at dairy farms. (Wisconsin is, after all, “the Dairy State.”) The ads asked for experience, but the only absolute requirement mentioned in the newspaper ads was that the young man applying for the job had to be married. “No bachelors need apply.”

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And then there’s Texas. My theory is that the reason there is so much bestiality in Texas is because, back in 19th-century Texas, all these young men (or boys, as in John Wayne’s movie, The Cowboys) would go on  long cattle drives where they were herding hundreds of cows north to the rail line (to Dodge City, for example, as in the early b&w western with Walter Brennan and John Wayne, Red River) to sell off the herd. Of course these poor cowboys … (hmmm, why are they called cowboys?) … spent day after day and week after week riding along on their horses and thinking about cute little Betsy they’d left back in Texas–and all the time they were forced to look at the rear ends of a bunch of cows. It’s not hard to guess what this led to. Pretty soon they were cheating on Betsy with good ole Elsie…. and it quickly became the habit of a lifetime. Texans always think that bigger is better, and Elsie outweighs Betsy by half a ton, so this is perfect for the typical Texan.