Posts Tagged ‘Drugs’

Illustration from American Heretic's Dictionary

DRUG ADDICTION, n. A popular method of dealing with day-to-day living in the United States.

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— from The American Heretic’s Dictionary (revised & expanded), the 21st-century successor to Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary. (The link goes to 50 sample definitions and illustrations.)

American Heretic's Dictionary revised and expanded by Chaz Bufe, front cover

Today’s guest post is by Ronn Spencer

There are better remedies for “substance abuse” than joining a cult hell-bent on convincing you to subordinate yourself and be dependent on them for the rest of your life–a perpetual victim whining about your deficiencies to other needy and gullible dupes who are now addicted to their specious and fatuous “cure.”

Here’s how I see it. First, one group of idiots creates the modern world and all its attendant miseries (your ruling class). Next, another group of con artists (the media, public schools the clergy, AA, etc). proclaim this lifestyle as splendid, rewarding, and, worse yet, beneficial to the human spirit. Then, the handful of us who understand that the whole thing is a soggy, decomposing wad of stinking, rotting half-truths and delusions are demonized and pilloried for trying to self-medicate our way through their nightmare.

“Hi, welcome to Bedlam, here’s your bunk. Don’t mind the rat crap and the petrified vomit on the walls–you’ll get used to it. What’s that? Didn’t apply for this? Too bad! Lay down and behave or the attendant brings the restraints. Leave? Are you kidding? You can’t leave! This is a club you never asked to join and that will never accept your resignation.”

So, we self-medicate. Booze, drugs, sex, which at least are participatory sports. Unlike America’s favorite panacea–sitting in front of the television and having your id, ego, superego, and unconscious slowly sucked out of your body by a cathode vampire.

If you’ve really decided to kick the booze, the dope, the smokes, so be it. When you cross that line where the stuff is corroding the plumbing you have no choice but to find some other coping mechanism. That’s why motivational speakers, televangelists, gurus, AA, and the rest of the charlatans are making big bucks nowadays.

My advice is to avoid these parasites with every fiber of your being and rely on stoicism, courage, resolve, and intellect. Otherwise, like the balloon-benders used to do on variety shows in the ’50s, the snake oil salesmen will twist your noodle into a cute doggie, pigeon or fat, stupid Rotarian.