Posts Tagged ‘McCovey Chronicles’


Grant Brisbee

“It seems funny to you that [Giancarlo] Stanton might want to come to the Giants. This is because you actually spent time — time you will never, ever, ever get back — watching this horrible team as it spun around the toilet and mercifully went down, never to resurface.”

Advertisements

Grant Brisbee

“It’s not that life comes at you fast, it’s that life is usually drunk and taking speed so that it can stay up and drink more.”

(As usual, Grant is understating things. More accurately, it would be “‘life is usually drunk and snorting coke off of a hooker’s ass'” so it can stay up and drink until annihilation.”)

–from the hands-down best baseball blog on the ‘net, McCovey Chronicles


(I’ve been saving this quote for two weeks, as the Giants inexplicably played good baseball for nearly a full week immediately after this appeared; but their play has reassuringly returned to normal — that is, excruciating — for the last week, so here you go.)

* * *

“The 2017 San Francisco Giants are a very poor baseball team by the standards of Major League Baseball. Were you aware of that? You were probably aware of that. Still, it needs to be said in every article about them until the season ends, because this is how you will repent for your many sins. Feel glad that you get to do it this way instead of changing your truly repugnant behavior. . . .

“. . . and hey, just for kicks, let’s go to Fangraphs and check out the worst ERAs in the majors among qualified starters. Well, whaddya know? The Giants are leading the league in something! . . .

“. . . We come not to sarcastically praise the Giants, but to bury them. Let’s examine this important question: Will this year’s Giants ever win another game?”

(A poll immediately followed, to which 61% of responding Giants fans answered, “Why no, I don’t think they will.”)

* * *

–Doug Bruzzone, “Will the 2017 Giants ever win another game?” (from our favorite baseball blog, McCovey Chronicles)


“I usually stay away from politics on here for obvious reasons. They’re too divisive, and this is supposed to be a place about sports [San Francisco Giants], a safe haven. But I think the one thing we can all agree on is that Donald Trump is a dangerously ignorant man-child, the wriggling embodiment of the seven deadly sins, each of them competing against the other for supremacy at all times.”

–Grant Brisbee, “Donald Ttrump wanted to buy the San Francisco Giants” (on our favorite baseball blog, McCovey Chronicles)


“The [San Francisco] Giants will get better. There will be a two-week stretch that boosts their overall numbers, and they’ll seem normal again. Do not fall for it. All that stretch will do is hose their draft position. They will not be a better team. They will not be closer to a future postseason. They’ll only be ruining their chances to get the next Bryce Harper or Stephen Strasburg or Delmon Young. But it’s going to happen, and I’ll forget about this paragraph and these feelings, and I’ll pretend that it’s good news.”

–Grant Brisbee, “Giants Lose, Royals Win

* * *

The above nearly paragraph-length quotation nicely illustrates why Grant Brisbee is the funniest baseball writer in the biz. He’s also pretty damn insightful, which is almost, but not quite, as important for baseball writers as being funny.

Let’s face it: we’re dealing with baseball, life’s toy department for supposed grown-ups. And in maintaining proper perspective on that national refuge from horrifying reality, humor rules.


When I saw that headline on my favorite baseball blog, McCovey Chronicles, my first thought was, “Pardoned him for what? Being one of the greatest baseball players of his generation?”

It wasn’t until I read the article that I remembered that, yes, “Stretch” had plead guilty to tax evasion in 1995.
mccovey

As Grant Brisbee notes in his McCovey Chronicles piece, “While paying taxes is probably a good idea, it is the official stance of this site that McCovey is above the law and always will be, so this is a piece of good news.”

That makes both a welcome pardon and a welcome sentence commutation (that of hero whistle blower Chelsea Manning) in one day. For once, along with Brisbee, I can say and mean it, “Thanks Obama.”

(Note regarding the photo: Barack Obama congratulating the Giants on one of their three World Series victories during his terms of office. Obama is the 44th president of the U.S., and Willie McCovey’s number was 44.)

 


“Putting the ball in play against the Padres is a very, very good idea because most of them field like a pelican trying to swallow its own body. Consider Hunter Pence’s walk-off bloop on Monday. Please consider it. It was glorious. While Wednesday’s game didn’t involve defensive buffoonery, you can tell that they were at least thinking about it.”

–Grant Brisbee, “Giants complete the sweep against Padres” on my favorite baseball blog, McCovey Chronicles