Definition of the Day 12-17-17 (Reform)

REFORM, n. 1) Formerly, a measure designed to improve something already in existence, as in “The reform broadened Medicare coverage”; 2) Currently, a measure designed to worsen or eliminate something already in existence, as in “Tax Reform” and “A shotgun blast to the head reformed the recipient’s life expectancy.”

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–from the revised and expanded edition of The American Heretic’s Dictionary, the 21st-century successor to Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary. (The link goes to 50 sample definitions.)

 

Graphic Definition of the Day 12-1-17 (Bootlicking)

BOOTLICKING, ger.  A popular American mass participation sport which is rapidly displacing baseball as the national pastime.

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– definition (not photo) from the revised and expanded edition of The American Heretic’s Dictionary, by Chaz Bufe, the best modern successor to Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary

Definition of the Day 8-10-17 — Tough

TOUGH, n. A term used by sycophants to describe powerful politicians, especially heads of state. It normally means: 1) callous; 2) having little regard for human life; 3) ready and willing to shed the blood of others while running no personal risk of injury.

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–from the revised and expanded edition of The American Heretic’s Dictionary, the best modern successor to Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary

 

Definition of the Day July 4, 2017 — Americanism

AMERICANISM, n. 1) The desire to purge America of all those qualities that make it a more or less tolerable place in which to live; 2) The ability to simultaneously kiss ass, pay taxes, follow your boss’s orders, swallow a pay cut, piss in a cup, cower in fear of job loss, and brag about your freedom.

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–from the revised and expanded edition of The American Heretic’s Dictionary, the best modern successor to Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary

Ambrose

Definition of The Day 6-22-17 (God)

GOD, n. A three-letter justification for murder; 2) An unsavory character found in many popular works of fiction.

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–from the revised and expanded edition of The American Heretic’s Dictionary, the best modern successor to Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary

Definition of the Day 4-22-17 — Vintage

Of late, every vocabulary-deficient knuckle dragger on Craigslist seems to use the word “vintage” — often several times — when posting an ad for music gear. (I’m waiting with bated breath for them to start using the term “artisanal.”)

So, it seems like an appropriate time to remind readers of what the term actually means.

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VINTAGE, adj. As used on Craigslist, old, overpriced, beat to hell. More simply, “shit,” as in “vintage guitar amp.”

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–from the revised and expanded edition of The American Heretic’s Dictionary, the best modern successor to Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary

Definition of the Day 4-15-17 — Income Tax (repost)

INCOME TAX, n. A particularly painful form of economic sodomy inflicted upon the public during the IRS’s annual rutting season in mid-April.

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–from the revised and expanded edition of The American Heretic’s Dictionary, the best modern successor to Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary