Posts Tagged ‘Vegetarianism’


"Fork" illustration by J.R. Swanson

FORK, n. An instrument used chiefly for the purpose of putting dead animals into the mouth . . .

–Ambrose Bierce, The Devil’s Dictionary; illustration by J. R. Swanson


VEGANS, n. pl. Vegetarians on steroids. The subspecies “vegans with a vengeance” have been known, through sheer force of personality, to induce meat consumption in lifelong vegetarians, and have made a healthy, ecologically sound diet less popular than oral herpes. As the old joke goes, “Don’t worry about whether any of your dinner guests are vegans—they’ll let you know.”

* * *

–from the revised and expanded edition of The American Heretic’s Dictionary, the best modern successor to Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary

 

(with apologies to whoever came up with the joke at the end of the definition; if you know, please leave a comment)


VEGETARIANS, n. pl. The primary reason there are so few vegetarians.

* * *

–from the revised and expanded edition of The American Heretic’s Dictionary, the best modern successor to Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary