Yes, There Is a Jesus

by Earl Lee, author of Libraries in the Age of Mediocrity and Raptured; Earl also wrote the scholarly foreword to The Jungle: The Uncensored Original Edition and co-authored the original story on which Kathy De Grave based The Hour of Lead

 

Yes, Virginia, there is a Jesus.

I know this because he mows my boss’s yard every other Thursday. Or maybe you’re thinking about Little Jesus, who worked at the meatpacking plant until the INS raided the place and sent him back to Mexico.

Then again, maybe you’re thinking about the Jesus who is the mayor of Garden City, Kansas. A Republican woman (who was just elected to State Bored of Education) said that he wasn’t born in this country and he had no business serving as mayor. But Jesus says that he was born in Garden City and so was his dad … but she’s not so
sure about that.

Then there’s The Big Lebowski‘s “Don’t fuck with the Jesus.”

And then, of course, there’s also the Jesus that the Southern Baptists talk about. That Jesus hates Catholics, homosexuals, Muslims, liberal Democrats, and a lot of other people. That Jesus is not so sure about women or
blacks, either.

I guess there’s even a Jesus who goes to the Catholic Church. He hates protestants, communists, atheists, abortion doctors, and women who use birth control. I’ve never met this Jesus, but I think he must have a son, Jesus Jr., because I read in the newspaper that a Catholic boy named Jesus accused the priest of molesting him. I don’t know what Jesus Sr. thinks about all this, but he must really like that church a lot, because he still goes there and takes communion from the people who molested Jesus Jr.

Anyway, yes, Virginia, there is a Jesus. There are lots of Jesuses. Some of them are nice guys and some of them are not.

(This post originally appeared on Earl’s blog, Kiss My Left Behind,)