Posts Tagged ‘American Heretic’s Dictionary’


SPIRITUAL, adj. A term of self-congratulation used to assert superiority over others.

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–from the revised and expanded edition of The American Heretic’s Dictionary, the best modern successor to Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary

American Heretic's Dictionary revised and expanded by Chaz Bufe, front cover

 

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RACISM, n. A sign of idiocy indicating that an individual believes that other racial groups can be even worse than his own.

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–from the revised and expanded edition of The American Heretic’s Dictionary, the best modern successor to Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary


DEATH, n. For Christians, a blessing — the gateway to heaven, the portal to paradise. It speaks volumes of the generosity of Christians that they so freely bestow this blessing upon their enemies, yet routinely do all in their power, even in extreme old age, to deny this same blessing to themselves.

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–from the revised and expanded edition of The American Heretic’s Dictionary, the best modern successor to Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary

American Heretic's Dictionary revised and expanded by Chaz Bufe, front cover


TRAGIC LIFE,  A common but redundant phrase.

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(This one isn’t in the revised and expanded American Heretic’s Dictionary, but will be if we ever get around to publishing a further-expanded edition.)

American Heretic's Dictionary revised and expanded by Chaz Bufe, front cover


FEARLESS, adj. Too stupid to understand the situation. Syn.: “No Fear.”

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(This one isn’t in the revised and expanded American Heretic’s Dictionary, but will be if we ever get around to publishing a further-expanded edition.)

American Heretic's Dictionary revised and expanded by Chaz Bufe, front cover


americanism

AMERICANISM, n. 1) The desire to purge America of all those qualities that make it a more or less tolerable place in which to live; 2) The ability to simultaneously kiss ass, pay taxes, follow your boss’s orders, swallow a pay cut, piss in a cup, cower in fear of job loss, and brag about your freedom.

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–from the revised and expanded edition of The American Heretic’s Dictionary, the best modern successor to Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary

American Heretic's Dictionary revised and expanded by Chaz Bufe, front coverAmbrose


advertisingADVERTISING, n. The driving force behind supply-and-demand economics: the stimulation of demand for useless products through the supply of misleading claims.

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–from the revised and expanded edition of The American Heretic’s Dictionary, the best modern successor to Ambrose Bierce’s Devil’s Dictionary

American Heretic's Dictionary revised and expanded by Chaz Bufe, front cover